2.

I'm getting all weepy-eyed and nostalgic thinking about Theo's second birthday, fast approaching. Two years of getting to know each other, from nursing to whole milk, from newborn to 2T, from "waaaa" to "Mama." So much has gone down in these two years, some blissful and beyond words, some so painful and . . . beyond words. Theo is really a true bundle of joy. And love and peace and beauty. We are very lucky and I tell myself that quite often. Just this morning I was sitting in church doing a mental gratitude list and Theo -- healthy and happy and so smart as he approaches two -- was at the top of the list. Who knows what the future has in store but we've had two extraordinary years.

We've also had to make so many decisions in the past two years. I wasn't prepared for the constant second-guessing and indecision that comes along with parenting, i.e., where Theo sleeps -- crib or swing or bassinet (swing won out for many months as you know), what he eats, when to wean, television or not, daycare or not, meat or not, sugar or not. Each decision seemed so earth-shattering at the time until I finally discovered that Theo, the essence of Theo, does not depend on whether or not he eats a hot dog.

As for me, I've had a hell of a ride, as I've alluded to frequently. We started out okay, then insomnia sent me into a tailspin which ended up in multiple hospitalizations due to debilitating depression that not everyone can really understand because they don't feel it and then I end up feeling so very alone. Then a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder I and all the scary feelings that come along with that. But we are making it. My brother gave me a good pep talk today and I have some goals in place. Massachusetts Bar Exam in July, yoga and/or gym every day until my next contract job comes along (it's been two weeks since my last one ended and I am desperate for structure in my day); healthy eating; constantly remaining grateful -- basic self-care that comes easy for some, not so easy for others.

I am tired now. Early morning tomorrow. Stay tuned for pictures from Theo's birthday party on Saturday.